When you don’t want to re-live your past anymore but don’t know how to escape it / stop thinking about it / bang your head against the wall = clearly we ( that would be my brain and I ) have some unresolved issues. People have tried and tried to lead me to therapy,Jesus, &hypnosis and just about any other religion or expensive self help bullshit that isn’t helping me. My failure to let go of my past has started to turn my present into some sort of cosmic wormhole thats allowing my past to come through and infect it. We can’t change the past but do we ever really break free of it ?
We don’t drink at the bar we take pictures in the bathroom. Laughs wahahahaha another mark on my totally cool and Im not old list……… My girl Miranda. Shes young and adorable and I love watching her go through this phase in her life that everyone goes through @ 18. She’s been such a doll to me the last few months and while our friendship was at first seemingly unlikely because of her age , I truly love this kid !! She listens and is naive with some stuff but the big stuff ,she astounds me with her ability to stay so strong and graceful. Hugest quality I love - She cracks me up. She’s replaced the void in my heart where my little sister was and I think, that sounds weird even to me, but I’m thankful for that. The funniest thing about my time spent around this chicka is she literally has like 7 sisters and they all start with MIR,MOR, OR MAR names so I never know which one is talking to me! But I love sitting around the table at her house with all of these ladies and watching them interact with each other. I’ve gotten used to the spanish music by now, and I do think I understand some of it sometimes. Bonus #1 - the food coming out of this girls house is authentic Mexican food and it is TO.DIE.FOR!!!
Me 2011-New Years Eve and Im going to bed at 9:00 p.m. I do believe some people would think this sad or rather well….boring. Its all good though. My loves ( Aaron and the girls ) are on vacation and Im home alone thinking on this past year and the crazy life roller-coaster ride ive been on. Conclusion- Go to bed. Its simple really.This year has seen crazy sides of me growing and finding myself in the in’s and outs of first year single motherhood after my divorce. It’s been filled with happiness and equal amounts sadness and heart ache and I’m not foolish enough to believe that one night is going to A. Change that and B. Have any relfection on the upcoming year. I’ve made no resolutions or atleast , I think I have none. I’m just going to take 2012 to be a better person, more whole and hopefully healed from my last 18 months. That resolution starts with going to bed. Oh, that picture by the way is my most favorite one I’ve taken over the year in the ’ just me ’ category. No better way to end this without demanding a cliche so goodnight ,and Happy New Year!
Day 4 of waking up to no kids, no anybody in the house has led me to this conclusion : Im boring. Yep. And bored peeps dress up their cats. Im 27 and playing dress up with said feline because 1) its cute Awwww 2) my kids would get a kick of this and i miss them so 3) all my friends are either going to the club or home schooling their children this week. Of these two choices i do neither. Maybe i need some new friends ?? New friends and a better memory! How did i get to 27 again ??
Shwasted !! It has been forever jack !
My 14 yr old ( going on 30 ) niece and i hanging out. She cracks me up but she also thinks Im old given by her response to my question - If my life could have a sountrack it would be ?????? Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh… She picked garth brooks for me ;/ ( okay at the current moment she may be like a little correct ) For her i picked ’ she gotta DONK, by souljaboy ’ ! Whos old now kid ?!?!?!!! Muah…i love ya shithead lol xoxo p.s.- hop up out the beeeedddd put my swagger onnnnnnnn…take a look in the mirror thats whats up !!!!
Thats a fake smile. Its really cheesy and kinda directed at my brother. This is my first Christmas without my girls. Everyone was taking pictures and Im not in a grinchy mood but Im not in a smiley one either. My brother forced me to smile before taking this picture. Hooray to family memories huh ?!? I spent the day with the girls yesterday at the park and at the lake on a treasure hunt and duck feeding excursion before hittin up Dennys for some breakfast dinner. Christmas Eve was our day and for that i am thankful.
Ahhhh Yes! What a revelation and quite frankly what a weird day. Aaron and I are starting to talk about living together. I am surprised that no one has really reacted negatively about this. Alas …. Dun dun duuuuuuun I have ACTUALLY gotten mostly very positive responses from the idea. I think I have normal jitters about it ( I havent lived with a man since the divorce besides my little brother which totally doesn’t count ) but stopping to think about it…. Makes me excited. And happy, school girl happy. Oh hell here comes the mush again.
